All great self-help books have one thing in common—they are rooted in eternal principles and they provide incisive analysis and insight into the inner world of the mind, exposing errors, teaching true principles, and giving practical solutions, which are based in those true principles. This book is one of them.
It is written for a secular audience though, so it doesn’t use religious terms, but anyone who has a strong foundational understanding of certain principles--the dangers of hubris (pride), the need for humility in relationships, honesty in self-evaluation--will recognize them anywhere even when they appear under a different name.
In the case of this book, the major principle that it teaches is that of charity (Christian love). The condition of having charity or not having it is conveyed by the expressions “out of the box” or “in the box” respectively. (I suspect that this helps to market the idea to the business audience who are already familiar with the importance of “thinking out of the box,” and it does a great job reinforcing a moral value to being “out of the box”.)
One other term come in for the treatment too. The book uses “self-betrayal,” which is essentially “sins of omission.”
But if this book merely gave different names to eternal principles, it would not be a big deal. What makes it truly valuable is the psychological understanding that is brought to bear on how lack of charity toward others affects our attitudes toward them, then how it leads us to commit sins of omission against them—the book calls these acts of “self-betrayal”—and how we then seek for reasons to justify our acts and views and causes us to blame others.
The second thing that makes it so great is that the authors structured the book in the best possible way that would help the reader to recognize their own problems with self-deception and take responsibility for changing. They did this by structuring the whole book as a story written in first person. Tom Callum is newly hired at the company called Zagrum into a senior management position, and he goes into a one-on-one meeting with the executive vice president, Bud, knowing that these meetings are an institution in and of themselves and that he will learn how to solve “people problems.” Tom learns that he has a problem that he doesn’t know about and that he will have to solve it if he is going to make it at the company. Naturally, this is a bit of a shock to Tom, but he feels he has to learn what it is if he is going to do anything about it. The problem of being “in the box” is explained to him, and to his relief, Bud admits his own difficulty with the very same problem. The story is one of transformation as Tom learns the principles in great depth and tries to practice them.
The tone is very kind. This effect is created as Tom’s mentors show true concern for him and open themselves up to him by sharing with him how they had been “in the box” (uncharitable), the way that they had succeeded in getting out, and their continuing struggles to stay out. (In this way, they act as righteous leaders who do not endeavor to cover their sins or gratify their pride.) Other virtuous characteristics can be detected in the dialogue, such as humility, persuasion, meekness, and forgiveness. All of this encourages readers to examine themselves and apply what is learned to their experiences and relationships. It does this all without ever becoming preachy, a rare feat.
If you read this book, you may find one or two of the stories familiar. A few religion teachers and speakers in my church have used one of the stories told in this book. You may have heard of it. It is the story of a husband lying in bed with his wife. The husband hears the baby in the next room begin to cry and has the impulse to go take care of it for his wife and then proceeds to talk himself out of it and then tries to justify his choice by blaming his wife. When I first encountered it in this book, I thought, “Ah! That’s where it came from.” And as I continued to read, I could see why. It was very influential; various aspects of self-deception are exposed throughout the book using this story.
But just to give you an idea of the penetration this book has, my father-in-law told me as he handed the book to me that the LDS church had ordered one of these books for all the staff at BYU Idaho and said merely, “We hope you will find this book as interesting as we have.”
This book had an immediate positive effect on me, and as I finished it, I immediately started trying to change the way that I related to the people around me, which happened to be my husband, my 10 year-old brother-in-law, and my parents-in-law. I feel that I was able to be kinder and more thoughtful.
After a few weeks, however, my memory faded a bit and I think I slipped back into old ways, so it seems that this book and its contents will need to be reviewed regularly (at least once every two weeks) to make the change more lasting.
This book is for all leaders and teachers who want to learn what they can change about themselves to create an environment that will encourage those around them to do their best. Since it focuses on relationships, it will have immediate effect of making relationships more genuine and more fulfilling, which leads to improved performance. This book is not about manipulating others into improvement; it is about self-improvement to become a better leader. I give it an A+.
